Thats right you heard it here first, (unless you didn't) Jerry and Linda are officially hitched! I feel like I should knock down some more obvious jokes while I'm feeling shameless here. Their career driving as a pair started off with Jerry doing all the work and Linda telling him how to do it. Ba dam! Ummm, actually OK I'm out. For now. And actually, even that one is really a joke about a joke that robert tells which is comparing horses to people in a marriage so I'm not sure how that works out.
I'm tired.
Yesterday I went to the barn and was in a fabulously bad mood. I got there much later than I wanted for a variety of reasons, some of them arguably (but arguably not) trimet's fault. Plus I was just generally on edge. Alyssa was running around doing absolutely everything that needed to be doing. She passed like a blur in my slowed down consciousness. She tolerated me and my uselessness with her usual, unreasonable, patience.
I tried to get star to walk over the X I had set up before. Sometimes she did it, sometimes she balked for a long time. I've decided that she really doesnt like it when I lead her over things because she's not supposed to go ahead of me, not supposed to lag behind me, not supposed to step on met, and doesn't want to knock over the jump. The last couple of times we went over, when I had started really pressing the issue, she walked up to the jump and a few feet out she shot ahead of me and went over it and furiously ate grass. I finally got the message and we're going to lunge over it or at least she'll go over and I'll stand to one side and watch like a normal human.
I also showed Star all the wedding preparations. She was... fascinated. In a lets-get-out-of-here kind of way. She eventually decided that she was willing to touch just about anything there in exchange for grass. She really didn't like the golf cart coming and going.
I really didn't like watching comet being led around with the golf cart. Later I'm told this escalated to comet being tied to the golf cart. Clearly others do not posses my ability to envision, all at once, several dozen horrible accident scenarios in almost any situation. For those of you wondering what I do all day with Star, given this superpower, I'll tell you. This mechanism just completely shorts out with mares I personally will be handling. I still have the same basic sensibilities that you mortals have, but without the dozen plus scary things flashing through my mind, it all seems pretty tame.
My main contribution to the day was helping with feeding, but it was good that I went because it got me into thinking about the wedding. I drove Imp again to see how he'd be (he was great) I also clarified some things with Linda about the wedding. When we were done feeding and everyone was gone I was suddenly in a much better mood which was nice.
The day of the wedding I was woken up by Jesse telling me that Alyssa was downstairs. I looked at the clock and it was 10:40 or so. I was shocked because I didn't think she and Ian would manage to leave the house much before 11 at the earliest. I thought I would prepare stuff, and do stuff before they got here. Instead I rushed out of the house with my little black vest, to match the wedding dress code suggestions.
We rinsed horses and talked to people. Although she had been shooed into the house, told to get ready to get married and told not to come out and do horse stuff, there was Linda in her bright pink straw hat. I like that hat, and not just because it makes her really easy to spot from across the property. Anyway, she wanted to know what was happening now that Yankee was lame and we were using Rocky instead. She wanted to know which cart was Sophie pulling and which was Rocky pulling. I wanted to know why she was out here and what use that information was to her anyway. I told her that Sophie would pull the flower children, that everything would be fine, and that she had better get back in the house and see to it that she doesnt get married in a T-Shirt!
I found out later that Robert had asked her what was happening with the carts and thats why she went to ask me. Robert was duly chastised for inciting bad behavior. She actually stayed in the house after that.
In the hour leading up to the wedding it was all pretty quiet. Too quiet. At 2:30 Gaynelle got Sophie going and Russel was trying to hitch up Rocky. He asked me if I was sure this harness was fitted to him correctly. I knew Alyssa had been dealing with harnesses already so I assured him that it should all be ready to go. Then my eyes adjusted to the dark in the aisle of the barn and my brain actually started processing the information I was receiving. thats when I noticed that Rocky was wearing Reno's harness. It would be more accurate to say that the harness was draped over him with some of the buckles fastened to him. Russel had gotten extra suspicious when he went to put the headstall on.
So where is Rocky's harness? Alyssa would know. Where is Alyssa? Shouting didn't work. Shouting more still didn't work. My memory is still a little fuzzy on how all the harnesses got to the right horses. Alyssa and Robert did it, thats all I know. We were hitching up horses left and right. Literally. We had opened up the other end of the barn so we could process horses even faster. At one point we had three horses being tacked up at once. I brought comet up to the hay barn. He was the last to be tacked up and I left and went to the arena to talk to people there. Alyssa joined me shortly thereafter. We really wanted someone to coordinate the horses. I had penciled Lil into that job, but only in my head. In reality there was no one central authority to coordinate these horses. Alyssa and I both needed to be at the gazebo. Robert needed to leave and pick up Linda.
We talked with everyone about the order and the importance of leaving lots and lots of room for the person in front of you. Unloading children and arthritic people is kinda slow, it turns out. Then there was nothing left to do but walk away from the arena and leave everything to the drivers. I told Lewis that things were going to happen basically now. We rounded up some other grown ups that were going to be helping with the ceremony but most of them were already in position. It was a nice surprise to see how tight things were running on the other side of the stream.
I dont know if a signal was given or anything. For all I know Jerry and Imp just decided that it was time. In any case a very flashy red pony came across the creek with Jerry, his best man and his ring bearer. They got out, I got in. Imp and I walked off and meandered around the dressage arena while the rest of the ceremony proceeded. From where I was it looked good. Everyone filed in and filed out. Then came the bride.
It really looked great. Linda had this lovely lovely straw hat which was not pink but still very dramatic. There will be pictures so I wont worry to much about describing it but she and Robert and Reno just looked amazing. Reno was very happy to have everyone staring at him with proper reverence and awe. He was prancing but in a controlled and attractive way. Imp was absolutely fixated on them. I dont know if it was Robert, Linda, Reno or the fact that everyone else was staring but Imp just couldn't tear his eyes away. (I could tear them away but it took work.)
After Linda was dropped off I saw Reno departing at a canter. A very attractive canter, one that made me quite nervous but I trusted that Robert either had it under control and was doing something stupid, or that he would get it under control and that Reno was doing something stupid. Imp and i walked around. I asked him to trot a little because I thought it would help dislodge the bee that had landed on him. No dice. But then it moved to where I could get it with the reins (I decided the whip wasn't an option.) Later Alyssa and Chuck helped change the sign on the cart from whatever it was before to "Just married." And before anyone thinks, "Oh, they should have gotten one that says 'just hitched' tee hee hee" they looked for that but couldn't find one.
I gave the reins to Jerry at the end of the ceremony and the happy couple drove away from the crowd so that they could see the sign. Then Jerry decided to show off his pony by trotting him down towards the creek and then crossing the service bridge that Imp had crossed only once before. I watched and smiled and then ran for the barn to help deal with the cart. More pictures were taken. The happy couple was dropped off at the reception (after driving to the hay barn and then agreeing that it would be best to drive to the reception instead, executing a very tight, gillian-assisted turn to get back onto the road, and making me very nervous.) Alyssa drove Imp back after they took lots of pictures.
Mission accomplished.
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3 comments:
It was good stuff, I was pleased. And fun, too!
Your job was to make sure that everybody knew what needed to be done, and to delegate.
My job, usually, is to run around like hell and try and fix everything. My responsibility was the horses, not the people. It was good. Horses needed to get driven, washed, and clipped, carts needed to get washed and decorated, harnesses hopefully washed. Drivers were acquired for horses. That was my responsibility. Everything else, meh. Not my problem.
I can deal with horses, even if I'm a little paranoid about tiny white ponies and dirt.
Plus, you know, I'm usually out there alone, so I'm happy if one or two horses manage to get worked. Also, you distract Robert, which often gives me more time to do useful things.
Also? Weddings make me grin like an idiot. Seriously. I was entertained.
Oh, and, if you were interested:
Reno's harness was what got washed and what Robert was claiming was Rocky's. Rocky's was actually hiding in the tack room where Nicky's usually is. I discovered this and ran it down to Russell. Everything else was pretty tame- Reno's was basically where it should have been, Comet's was in a box, as was Imp's, and Sophie's was already there.
Someone (?) called Lewis to let him know Jerry and Imp were coming out so they should start the music.
Ah, ok. Lewis' wife had a baby and a cell phone and was sitting by the arena. I didn't see her but this is what I was told. I think she was his spy across the creek so it was probably her that called him.
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